Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
