You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
