I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
