Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
