my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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