He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
