just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
