It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
