Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
