Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
