Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize