She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
