walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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