I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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