after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
