is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
