I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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