At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
