direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's blow job season.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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