well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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