Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
