It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
