All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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