I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
