who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the liver wants what the liver wants
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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