I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
