what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I smell stomach acid.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
