I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I will pee on everything he values.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize