how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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