wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
