Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
