Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
