you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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