Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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