Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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