Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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