I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
