They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
