So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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