Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
