Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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