That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
