I need help removing her.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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