i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
