remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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