Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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