He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
