NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
