We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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