i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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