Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
