I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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