this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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