Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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