You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
