Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
