He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
