ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
