went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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