What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
