Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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