I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
