He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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