Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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