I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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