it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
