So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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