Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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