Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize