I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
as a side note pls kill me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
