No stitches, just platelets and will power
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
