I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
