i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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